The more I go through my life sober, the more I completely despise alcohol and the alcohol industry.
The first year or two, it was so easy to be envious of people drinking around me. I’m so over that. As the years have gone by, my eyes have gotten clearer and clearer- along with my brain and everything else. Drinking sucks!! Literally! It sucks the life out of you, and I’m watching it in real time across numerous situations at the present moment.
I know of a handful of people who live a pretty healthy lifestyle, and still drink sometimes. I guess sometimes those are the people I’m most envious of, just occasionally, of course. Most of the time, I’m simply can’t stomach the thought of drinking alcohol. It’s brought such ugliness to my life- and I don’t ever want to give myself away like that again.
I can see clearly now, how alcohol intercepted my true self.
As a teenager, I was pretty introverted. I didn’t even really care to go to parties. So much so, that my good friend from elementary school used to ridicule me over me wanting to stay home. I don’t remember this, but apparently, my mom used to try to prod me out the door. My friend would always laugh at how she used to try to get me to have a party- or go to a party and I just didn’t want to.
I hated when my friend said this. At least after my change. The great personally shift that was brought on by who else, but the devil we call alcohol. After starting to drink at 18, I started to want to go out, all the time.
In my 20’s and 30’s, whenever my friend brought this up (and yes, she did bring it up throughout my 30’s. I think it’s been awhile, but I also think that when I first stopped drinking at age 40, I told her how much it bothered me) it would annoy me, I was no longer like that and hadn’t been for a really long time.
Now I’m approaching 46. This friend just messaged me a few days ago to see when would be the best time to have her 80’s party because I had to make it.
I love my friend- but quite honestly, I don’t know her friends- any of them. She and her now husband moved up north several years ago, and they are mostly his friends from growing up. I’ve met them all before, and they’re very nice, but I’m realizing that, truly, parties are not my thing!
So as much as I love my friend, I’d so much rather plan a trip to see her when it’s just them. But, I don’t think I’m being a great friend. I haven’t been to a party of her’s in forever, and just missed her birthday party because we were in Florida. So, I might have to buckle down and go to this.
I often feel like I did before I ever drank. But now I have self-acceptance, and awareness, and it’s made all the difference.
Perhaps if I had owned that self before, alcohol would not have had the chance to intercept.
I like to think what I would have done instead. I probably would have found a hobby or activity and met people through that. Maybe I would have gone away to college and done something else with my personal and professional life.
I don’t have any regrets. Alcohol is a part of my story- and will always be a part of me.
I feel very very lucky to have escaped it’s grip. It’s “death” grip.
Lately I’ve been noticing stories of people relapsing after a year or more, and it seems like it’s so much harder to quit again after relapsing after being alcohol free for so long. This scares the living daylight out of me, which adds fuel to my hatred of alcohol. It also makes me feel lucky.
As much as alcohol took- it’s just about been given back- and keeps giving the further I get from my last drink.
I’ve cultivated relationships, learned to communicate better, learned to treat my body better, learned mental health skills, learned coping skills, increased my self-esteem and self-awareness, learned that I’m intuitive and a healer- and have begun to strengthen and access those skills- which has been nothing but magical.
I think my favorite thing though, is the magic I’ve found.
I used to go to bed, or wake up, hoping for a good day, a good month, a good year- whatever. Hoping with all the hope I can muster.
These days I make my own days! I communicate with the Universe and set my intentions everyday. Not all days are perfect, or great, but I’m so much more able to get through tough times with optimism and a smile- knowing that whatever it is will pass and better times will come- and will be even better after a low time.
Green is my lucky color, and seven is my lucky number.
I live my days discovering and loving all the green sevens.
Thank you alcohol 💚💚💚