Help Me See this Another Way

Today is Friday the 13th, and quite frankly, I’m scared Sh**less.

It’s been an icky week. As I’m typing how awful it was, I’m realizing, though, that really, it was not a terrible week. No one died, no pets got horribly sick, I didn’t have a ton of appointments- it could have been worse.

On Sunday morning, I got an email from a teacher who got under my skin. Although I tried to put it in the back of my mind, it overshadowed all of Sunday. It wasn’t a horrible email- it’s just a really irritating situation in general.

On Monday, I had to meet with her and my principal. I dreaded the meeting horribly- but it actually wasn’t that bad and we made some progress towards some solutions (the MAIN problem is the lack of staff and support and scheduling teacher assistants-this teacher wants more support than we are able to give her, and it just sucks).

Tuesday was a fine day at work. However, I had the first of 10 classes of this professional development I’m taking. It was Tuesday after work and went until 9:15. The instructor was teaching it like there’s no tomorrow, and any hope of getting out early was lost. I’m very happy it’s online though.

On Wednesday, I received an email that I think will change me forever. It was from a parent, and the worst (angry wise) email I’ve ever received in my life. Unlucky for me, it was to me, and me alone. Lucky for me, it wasn’t an attack on me, personally, so that helped. It stemmed from an unfortunate incident involving the bus and the sub bus driver that morning.

On Wednesdays my hubby goes straight from work to give swim tests to Boy Scouts. He doesn’t get home until I’m in bed and so I wasn’t able to talk to him about it to debrief Wednesday night. I was able to talk to colleagues during the day, but they were just irritated with me. Not at me, just with me.

On Wednesday night and Thursday morning, I begged the Universe to give me a day of positive connections and positive interactions for Thursday. While I did have positive interactions, I was also riddled with technological and other stupid, but minor, problems throughout the day.

On Thursday I gave angry parent’s daughter an assessment and she did incredibly better than when I tested her in the fall. Any joy that I felt about this was overtaken by dark thoughts of that email. It’s not that I was taking it personally, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. In fact, it stole every joyful moment on Thursday.

For the first time in my teaching career, I wanted to quit.

By Thursday night, it was still bugging me. I think that by then, I was more bothered by the fact that it was bothering me, than I was about the actual email.

When hubby asked about it, I told him how I felt. He asked if he could read the email and I asked him to help me see it another way.

You see, I talk to him all the time about seeing things and situations from another perspective. Usually, though, it’s him that won’t let a situation go and me calming him, telling him how useless it is to let it occupy his mind. I think he might be listening.

His response wasn’t profound, but it was extremely helpful.

First he explained that based on the email, this was probably a person who normally cusses while talking and that’s just the way they are. But he pointed out that when the parent wrote fu**ing, he put the stars in there and had the thoughtfulness to sensor it.

Then he reminded me that while this parent was in a horrible situation and feeling so angry that transportation couldn’t help him, he trusted me enough to reach out to me for help.

And that was all I needed to hear, as simple as it may be. And he was right.

I’m still apprehensive, and still kind of want to get out of this field, but I’m feeling much better.

It’s Friday, mid-morning, and so far the work day has been good. I have a few absent today, and we have a three day weekend, so today feels comparatively easy.

I’m still feeling slightly apprehensive about the date, but happily feeling grateful as I wrote this out and realizing that for how awful I felt on Wednesday and Thursday, I really do have so much to be grateful for.

I need to remember that “This too, shall pass.” It might hurt like a kidney stone, but.. ❤