No Mayto

It’s Saturday today, and thinking back, this week was sort of interesting.

I didn’t feel like working out, so I didn’t.

I didn’t have time, or was in the right headspace, to meditate, so I didn’t.

It was pretty great, I just did whatever I felt like everyday- and those just weren’t it.

Monday was great, work was okay, but my house was a disaster when I got home. I never felt like cleaning last weekend, and everyone follows my lead, so my living room was a junk pit. I spent a couple hours dusting and vacuuming everything after work- it felt good while I was doing it and especially afterwards.

Tuesday was equally as great. Work was okay, and the weather was warm and gorgeous. I sat on the deck after work, soaking it in. I noticed the plants around the pond had a lot of dead leaves on and around them. I decided to weed a little bit around the pond. I ended up working outside for almost two hours and filled a large lawn bag.

On Wednesday, I ran to the store after work to get a couple gifts. I wasn’t very productive after getting home, but I was fine with that.

On Thursday, some people (or person, I can’t even remember now) at work pissed me off big time. I couldn’t help but to feel irritated, even after getting home. Things that I would normally let roll off me, were stuck in me, in the form of ruminating thoughts.

These thoughts were out of control and I realized as I analyzed them, that my mind was actually making up theoretical stories about people not liking me, doing me wrong, etc. It was then I realized that this was a “me” problem, and nothing more.

I’ve gotten smarter though, and I’ve got tools.

I remembered the Ho’oponopono prayer and began to say it whenever I had a negative thought.

By bedtime, I was reciting it constantly.

Friday was a better day, and while I didn’t work out or meditate, I vowed to start working out regularly next week, including walks before work because now it’s finally warm.

I’m going to walk today and actually, I did meditate last night.

I was laying on the couch with hubby and randomly wondered if he would go to Crystal Cave with me, the fictional meditation place to meet.

So I asked him, “Wanna play a mind game with me?”


He knows that I go to the cave and sometimes see and talk to deceased relatives or meet my living sister there (when she does it at the same time). So I told him to meet me there. I told him how I get to the cave- via the river that we both love to kayak on so much. I told him we should pick a special place, and he said that the river would be appropriate.

So we laid together and went to Crystal Cave.

I don’t always have a lot of visualizations, but this time I did. Right when I walked into the river, I was holding his hand and encouraging him to come with me.

“Come on!” I was dancing like while dragging him behind me. We walked our canoe for some of the way in the river because it was very low (which happens sometimes in real life). We got into the canoe and it was deep again. When we reached the portage (this is near the cave entrance), our canoe tipped over and I was swimming in deep water. It was a sunny day and the water wasn’t cold and felt good. It was euphoric, almost. In real life, there are sometimes water snakes on the bottom of the river near this spot, but none in my meditation.

When we got out of the river, I wanted to go left towards the cave. He wanted to go right- to the bridge over the river. We stood on the bridge and watched the water. Salmon, or whatever fish that swim upstream and jump out of the water were there- lots of them. I don’t even think they exist around here in real life- not in the Huron river anyways (at least I don’t think).

We went to the cave next. His grandma was there. Then, I saw him as a little boy- probably 6 or 7. His grandma kissed him on the cheek. I left them alone and went to the meadow. I hung out in the meadow for a few, and by the time my timer went off, hubby and I were sparks dancing in the beautiful meadow.

“Wow!” I said when we opened our eyes. “Did you fall asleep? I had quite the experience! Did you see or hear anything cool?” He said he did not.

I told him everything and asked him if his grandma used to kiss him on the cheek. She did not. Not that he really remembered anyways- and I think that’s something that would stick.

“There’s a hallway with a meadow?” He asked surprisingly when I got to the end. I explained that I wanted to leave some things up to his imagination and that the meadow was something that was later added to my meditations to the cave. I added it because I was going through a dark time, and the cave was just way too dark for me. So there’s a hallway that leads to a door to the beautiful meadow. I didn’t tell him all of that until he was retelling me his experience, he mentioned that the cave was dark and dank. I told him that’s how the meadow was born, lol.

Then he retold his experience. Surprisingly, to me, he also had many thoughts/visualizations. His were all memories. He recounted specific events he remembered as he walked through the park (the river flows through a state park). He saw the trail he rode his bike on as a kid- his family camped at that park frequently. He saw the sign he once repainted- he worked for this park as a teen/young adult- mowing lawns and maintaining the park. He saw the building he slept in when his brother got married and remembered the joyous occasion. His brother and future wife rented part of the park out for all of their guests and held a wedding reception for an entire weekend. There are so many memories from this weekend, this was before I knew this family, but I’ve heard joyful memories recounted for the past 20+ years.

Somehow I think all those memories flooding his mind was good, maybe even somehow therapeutic.

Something clicked while he was retelling me all of this. I realized that the very spot that I chose to find solace, was the very place that my husband, who I’ve long suspected is my soulmate, has spent so much of his life at all different stages and ages.

I never even knew about the portage and the bridge until I met him. You would think that when I chose how to get to Crystal Cave, I would have picked a place that was significant in my childhood, not a place that I discovered as an adult. No wonder why he was so vivid in my meditation. I had planned to meet him at the cave, not lead him there. But right when I started he was right behind me.

I think it’s super cool and significant- but then again, I think everything is significant!

I’m happy my hubby played my mind game, and hope that we can go to Crystal Cave again sometime soon.

I guess it’s time to get on with my Saturday- I hope you enjoyed today’s nonsense 😜✨