Detox Day 17 – Just Hanging

It’s been a long day where I’m struggling a bit with (mild) depression. I’m going to have to keep tabs on this, and may need to add back my Wellbutrin. I thought today would be a great day to float in the pool for a bit- it’s hot today for the first time all week. However, when I had planned on going out this afternoon- after getting some stuff done- I had zero motivation to step foot outside.

I did start the day with an hour walk- which was nice. Also, I had a success yesterday and only took Motrin and Tylenol twice. I didn’t take any before bed, because my pain was pretty mild. I was surprised at the amount of anxiety I had regarding skipping this dose- as I knew it might make for a tough wake-up in the middle of the night. I was smart though, and brought the meds to my nightstand in a little dish with a cup of water, just in case, and even included Benadryl in case I needed help sleeping if the pain was that bad when I woke up.

I woke up around 3:00 to go to the bathroom, and was sore but didn’t think it was bad enough to need the meds. I tossed and turned a little bit not being able to stop thinking about taking them. I woke up for good around 5:00 and took them shortly after. The pain wasn’t awful, but bad enough that I didn’t consider not taking them (it was around a 4).

The pain has been pretty mild today. It crept up to about a 4 around 2:00, so I took 2 Naproxen. It’s now around 5:00 and I may or may not need Tylenol and Motrin before bed-hopefully not!

I feel like it’s a bit of a balance act, and I need to try to wean my body off- even if I have to go through some pain. I’m hoping that the increase in Cat’s Claw will help with the inflammation more too. I’ve been icing my hands a lot- which really help with the pain and swelling.

I’m due for my Enbrel tomorrow, which is weekly. Every week I go back and forth as to whether or not I’m going to stop it. I didn’t last week because I didn’t want to feel any worse than usual while camping. I don’t think it’s doing a whole lot anyway, so it’s probably time. I’m just worried I’ll get worse, but really need to ditch the fear.

I watched a really good documentary on Amazon yesterday called Heal. One thing that was heavily emphasized was the importance of believing in your body’s ability to heal. I thought about my post about Prednisone the other day and how I said I’d give myself until August and then maybe go on it if I’m still bad. Maybe entertaining this thought at all is working against me. I realized that I should talk to my body as if it’s in the process of healing and only going to get better from here, well because it is. I need to believe this, 100%.

I listened to a couple great podcasts this morning from the Medical Medium. One was about the Epstein Barr Virus (feeds on heavy metals, causes arthritis) which I believe I have. The other one was about rheumatoid arthritis and psoriatic arthritis (which I have both) and how the virus feeding on copper causes PsA symptoms while the virus feeding on mercury causes RA symptoms. Both had a huge amount of relevant information and confirmed that I am doing so many things to #1 detox from heavy metals, and #2 stop eating foods that feed the virus. I have to admit that when he got to the food part and what you must cut out, I got really nervous. I’m so tired of playing around with my diet and new restrictions. I was very relieved to learn that I’m not eating any of the forbidden foods (dairy, eggs, gluten, pork- I was loose with gluten, but have been more strict the past few days- which could be why my pain has been more mild). I’m also doing much of the spiritual things to help (decreasing stress, not hanging onto anger, also incorporating tapping, grounding, Reiki and visualization).

There is no reason to not be 100% hopeful that my body is healing!

I did have a bit of a rough day with my oldest kiddo, who is 19. I woke up to a mostly gone bag of tortilla chips on the couch and steaks from last night left out. He looked at me like I was crazy when I reprimanded him (steaks were packed up- he did put them away but pulled them back out later to get something, and left them out, so he was confused..). I hated to yell at him first thing and right before he left for work, but I was so irritated.

Then he comes home for lunch. I had gone to the grocery store and had a few things that I hadn’t put away yet, one being a jar of salsa. He took it upon himself to open the new jar when we had one that was already opened in the fridge. I hate it when my family opens a new bottle when we already have an opened one. Fridge space is sacred man!

I was super crabby by now and got all over him. I hate being like that but couldn’t help feeling the anger. I was outside attempting to ground myself in bare feet when he went back to work- so twice he left during unresolved friction- it just felt awful.

Then, as I’m writing this post, he sends me a message. “I’m high and forgot my bag.” He’s diabetic! Well, I guess the grounding helped my attitude and anger, because I wanted to ignore the message, and did for a couple minutes before deciding that I had to take responsibility.

I wasn’t angry, and as he came out and grabbed it from me and said thank you, I just said, “I’m sorry you have to deal with this.” Meaning diabetes and bringing that damn bag everywhere. I think I was extra sensitive about it because when he first came home for lunch, I was on the couch, and he said something about the summer being great and easy. I said something to the effect of, I’m healing myself and I’m feeling awful, and missing the whole summer and don’t even want to go outside because the yard is a mess and I can’t really use my hands to do much of anything!

I thought about this as I brought him his bag and started to cry. If only he could heal himself- he will have to live with this forever, and it’s simply unfair.

I hope I’m less cranky tomorrow- and have the desire to be outside for a long time ❤

Detox Day 16- The Smoothie Tastes Good Now :)

It’s been a good day.

I started my day with slow walk- we walked about 2.3 miles in about an hour. It felt good to get out there and I even came across one deer going through the short path in the woods. It’s always a good morning when I find myself in the woods with those big mammals.

I made a double batch of smoothie so I’ll have an easy morning tomorrow (yay!). I realized as I drank it this morning, that I actually like it now, and that is awesome! My taste buds are really changing.

I had enough energy to go to Sam’s Club for some groceries, so that was a feat! Afterwards, I cleaned up a bit and then took a 30 minute nap.

I’ve been eating pretty good, with no dairy or gluten (that I know of) and no coffee.

I’ve taken two doses of Motrin and Tylenol today, and will probably take a 3rd before bed. My hands seem a little better today and I noticed that opening the canned cat food was easier this morning and also this evening. Usually it’s a little hard for me, but I did it fast and smooth today- so yay!!

So that’s it- all in all it was a good day. And that’s a wrap! ❤

Detox Day 15 -The Sofa King

I’m really feeling down today. It was a rough night of pain last night, and I stupidly held off on pain meds until 2:30am, when I couldn’t take it anymore and took Motrin, Tylenol plus Benadryl.

I felt exhausted the entire day- even with a 90 minute nap where I slept hard. The exhaustion has been worse than the pain today, which I guess is a blessing. It’s hard though, mentally and I can’t help but wonder if I’m healing, or dying.

I haven’t walked, or done any type of workout since coming home on Sunday. I’m really hoping to get a walk in tomorrow morning, first thing.

I decided after last night, that I really need to stop drinking caffeine, at least for a short time to see if that helps. Also, I had a small amount of gluten and dairy yesterday in the salad I had with lunch and dinner. I guess since it was just a teeny amount, I didn’t think it would hurt- but I can’t help but think it contributed to the rough night.

I’ve just been super down today, and having a hard time getting off the couch. I feel like I’m watching the entire summer whiz by and I have nothing to show for it. Even my spiritual growth has taken a pause. I miss the work, but have absolutely zero motivation most days.

I also think it might be time to schedule an appointment with someone who can help give me guidance. There’s an integrative health center nearby and I think I’m going to call tomorrow.

I feel like I’m going an awful job as a wife and mother. My thirteen year old has spent way too much time in his room this summer. The only consolation to me is that most of the time he’s playing games with real life friends. Last summer he had frequent sleepovers with his friend group, but this summer everyone seems to be travelling all the time.

I’m trying to maintain focus on the positives. I do have a couple cool trips to look forward to. In a couple weeks, my youngest and I are going camping with one of my his friend’s mom and her boys. A week later, hubby and I are going to Chicago to see Ester Hicks (Abraham). A couple weeks later we’re going to a big cabin in the smoky mountains for a week. Then I go back to work the following week.

And while I hate seeing the summer pass me by, I feel grateful most days for my knowledge and drive. Many many times, I came close to calling my rheumatologist for more and different meds. But what then? She could put me on prednisone, which would make my pain disappear, but then I can I really fix what’s causing it? If this continues well into August, that’s probably what I’ll do, but I’m not there yet.

I also feel grateful for getting off weed and putting away my vape pen. This has been a habit that I’ve been wanting to stop for awhile and I’m proud of myself for doing it now for the sake of my health. Mentally, it’s been fine and I haven’t thought about it. I took edibles the night I camped, but haven’t had the urge since. I’m also happy to be off my Wellbutrin.

I feel more optimistic after writing this out. Now onto bigger and better days ahead ❤

Love,

The Sofa King

**Update from 3 hours later…

Gosh writing this out certainly helped me get out of my funk! I even actually gained some energy after my dinner.

This was my semi-healthy dinner, before covering in mustard & ketchup (turkey burger on GF bread & sweet potato)

My teen actually came out of his room to eat with me 🤗. Hubby wasn’t home and we had a nice conversation about his Minecraft server.

After dinner I picked up some things outside and watered my flowers. Then, I had enough energy to do a 30 minute workout on the bike 🎉🎉🎉

Boy it felt good to get sweaty!

Then I made a bone broth collagen shake that was chocolate flavored. I added fresh mint leaves and I’m still drinking it, it’s so good. I always want to make delicious sweet shakes at night but never have the energy.

Also, today I increased cats claw to three times a day. I’ve been taking it for a couple weeks for inflammation so thought it was time to bump it up to see if that helps any 🙏🏻

Ok, that’s it!! Hopefully this energy sticks around for a little bit ☺️

Detox Day 14- Watching Life Go By

Maybe Anthony William’s Heavy Metal Detox smoothie is addictive. I can’t explain it, but I was hell bent on not missing any part of my routine today. Just getting back home yesterday, and exhausted, i wasn’t sure I’d make it to the store for my produce.

We unpacked the car, then I showered and took a short nap. Afterwards, I unpacked all of the small bags we had while the boys were still cleaning out the bigger things (like setting the soggy tent up to dry and cleaning it up). I was done shortly after 6 and itching to go to Target. I had to exchange an outfit I got and figured I could pick up some celery and oranges there.

Wrong.

While our Target has many many grocery and produce items, celery is not one of them (or else they were out). Also, the orange bin was completely empty. I at least got some bananas and a big bag of wild blueberries. Anthony calls for “wild” blueberries in the smoothie- but I couldn’t find them anywhere- not even the health food grocery stores. I bought a wild blueberry powder from Amazon and had been using a little of that, plus organic “regular” blueberries. I was ecstatic to learn that Target (of all places) carries 3 pound bags of wild blueberries from a reputable brand.

“It’s okay.” I thought. I had enough stuff to make the smoothie today, but would just miss the celery juice. I wasn’t sure if that would be okay though, just lemon water then the smoothie followed by celery juice maybe later in the day if I got celery.

Lucky for me, I went to bed super early last night and was up early as well. I saw that Kroger opened at 6am so I headed there shortly after 6:00 to get celery, oranges and cilantro. I don’t know, maybe after missing two days I was hell bent on doing it by the books today.

The morning routine went well, I even made a double batch of the smoothie so I don’t have to make any tomorrow (I’ve been excited about this all day, lol).

I got hit with exhaustion shortly after lunch. I had a salmon patty with spinach and sprouts topped with asian dressing on a gluten free wrap. I also had a bowl of sweet oriental salad that contained egg noodles with gluten (and now that I think about it, probably eggs too- ugh!).

I don’t know if it had anything to do with what I ate, but I took an almost hour long nap at 2:00. It’s now about 5:00 and I have a headache and still am exhausted- even after a double sized coffee.

I’m bummed because I’ve been wanting to go to a Reiki Share event all summer long. They’re on Monday nights and I thought I would be able to go tonight. Even though it’ll probably help me feel better, no part of me wants to go right now and I don’t see myself making it out. I’m not sure if I’m more detoxing, still recovering from the weekend or just tired for other reasons.

It’s been a gorgeous day outside, about 77 degrees and sunny, but no part of me wants to be outside today either. I’m assuming being outdoors all weekend long have something to do with it.

I just kind of feel like I’m missing out on life today 😢

Camping; The Soul’s Turn for a Cleanse

It’s almost 11 on Sunday morning & we’re on our way home. It was a ton of fun, but I’m exhausted!

I’m so glad I didn’t stay home for my health, but it wasn’t aways easy.

The first night there, shortly after laying down, my shoulders & hands started to stiffen and seize up. I wasn’t due for any pain meds and just had to deal with it and I started to panic for a minute because my shoulders hadn’t been hurting at night. I couldn’t correlate it with anything I ate or anything else. But, eventually I fell asleep and all in all, it by wasn’t that bad and it was a good lesson that this pain doesn’t have to limit me.

Wake up day one was ok. My hands were a 5 or 6, but were feeling much better after the first dose (sometimes it takes a couple doses to have good improvements).

We spent most of the day on the boat in the warm sunshine. It was heavenly!

The most ironic part of our trip involved beer- sort of.

This group was our Boy Scout group- but now all of the kids (except Will) are over 18, so our scout group is no more. This is the 1st time our group has gone camping as friends, and not as a scout group.

When you go as a Boy Scout group, there are certain expectations- one of which is a zero tolerance for drugs or alcohol.

When my kids first got into scouts, about 12 years ago, I was a heavy drinker. I never went on camping trips because I couldn’t drink (very sad, I know and am working through regrets and shame regarding myself as a younger mom).

As the years passed by, I tried to stop drinking many times. It was hard and I had to avoid certain social situations as to not be tempted.

During this time, the scout camping trips became my escape from the cycle. I especially loved going to summer camp with them. It seemed like the only place on earth that I could go and not have to think about drinking.

During the day, I could lounge by the lake, hike the trails or meditate by the stream while the boys were in their classes. I often pretended that I was at a luxury rehab center- after all- drinking was never an option in the slightest. I couldn’t afford a ‘real’ luxury rehab, but this was the next best thing.

So all these years later, and I still have this assumption that these trips will be completely dry and safe.

Now that I haven’t had a drink in over three years, I rarely think about drinking or change my plans because of alcohol. However, unexpected surprises can be triggering for me.

So on the first night, when someone mentioned that we could’ve brought beer (now that we’re not officially a scout group), I did a double take (what’d they say????). But no one had any, so we were dry.

On the second day, it was brought up again. This time it was suggested to have one of the dads (who was coming later) pick some up.

By now I was feeling a little triggered. I suddenly pictured drinking with that group and imagined a really good time.

I followed my imagination through the entire scenario/night until it was no longer a desire. I knew that if they got drinks, I would not be able to partake and was feeling at ease about it.

Those normal drinkers are very funny though. Even though it was brought up several times, no one had the initiative to get some beer. What weirdos!

A great example of something coming full circle, I suppose.

Back to the trip.

My body was much more cooperative the second night and I wasn’t that painful. Waking up was great too, with my hands at a 2, and very little to no shoulder pain.

I stuck to my food for snacks which probably helped and stayed dairy and gluten free (for the most part- not positive about some of the seasoning type items). One of the moms brought yummy homemade snacks like cookies and chocolate chip zucchini bread and I was so glad I brought some baked goods of my own, or else I don’t think I would have been so diligent.

We had storms come in on Saturday night and our kids’ tent began to leak horribly. It was an old tent and probably got ripped. Luckily, ours was big enough for the four of us, so Saturday night turned into a tent party.

It rained a ton all night, but we stayed pretty cozy all hunkered down together.

Now it’s already after 2:00 and we’ll be home in about an hour.

I’m eager to get back to the cleanse, but not sure if it’ll start first thing in the morning since I’m out of celery and oranges. I’m not confident I’ll make it to the store today either.

I’m hoping that I can do it tomorrow just maybe mid-afternoon when belly is empty instead of first thing. If not, that’s ok, I’ll continue on Tuesday 🙌🏻

Detox Day 13 – Road Trippin’

Jules is ecstatic to be coming with us

Today has been a good day so far! It’s only 10:30am, but feels like a full day already.

I packed all the last minute things while drinking my concoctions. It was so nice and helpful to have the smoothie already made. I need to pre-make them more often.

Pain was a 2 or 3 upon waking up. I’ve been eating much better the past few days, so it seems to definitely have a correlation. Thursday was a rough day & on Wednesday I had a large Big Gulp (hello sugar) and Ben & Jerry’s before bed.

I’ve had little sugar since then & spent time batching some ‘healthy’ cookies & brownies Thursday night. I brought some in this trip to help keep me on track, especially when everyone is eating dessert. One of the moms we camp with makes an amazing cheesecake in the Dutch oven & hopefully I’ll be content with my cookies 🤗

We had planned to stop for lunch on the way there. Fast food is tough trying to avoid both dairy & gluten, so I spent some time packing myself a lunch.

By the time we left the house, I was armed with a baked potato & salsa, tuna & lettuce wrap, a chocolate/banana bone broth collagen smoothie (from a couple days ago, refrozen & hopefully still delicious) and coffee. I’m so freaking excited for lunch lol. WAY better than any fast food you can buy 🤗

I also have a bag of bought snacks like rice cakes,nuts & dried fruit for this trip.

And my emotional support dog, lol. Who will hopefully be a good boy while we’re camping ❤️🏕

Detox Day 12- Unjustified Fury

I woke up with less pain than I have in a few days (pain was 3/10). I was ecstatic considering I took Motrin and Tylenol at 10:00 before going to bed, then woke up at 12:30 in too much pain to go back to sleep (left hand). I got up and got my ice pack, which helped a ton. I slept and didn’t need to take anything during the night (yay!).

I didn’t take any pain meds upon waking up today, but later regretted it. I took a walk first thing, and then worked in kitchen doing my cleanse. By the time I was finished drinking the celery juice my hand was getting sore from all of the kitchen work. I was making double the smoothie today (one for tomorrow), so I had to peel two oranges, which was excruciating. I took an Aleve at 8:30 (didn’t provide much, if any, relief) and then Motrin and Tylenol at 10:45. I put ice on my hand again and took a short nap.

Now it’s about 3:00 and I just took another dose of Motrin and Tylenol. The hand slowly began to feel better a couple hours after the first dose and I wanted to keep ahead of the pain. I will probably not be skipping the morning dose again anytime soon. It’s now a 3/10, which is much better than earlier when it was 7/10.

This afternoon I’m feeling much better about our trip tomorrow. I talked to hubby on his lunch break and was very honest. Told him about all the anxiety I’ve been feeling about it and how I wanted to go, but wouldn’t be able to help pack, set up the tent & cots, etc. I have him plus two men sized boys, so I knew this wouldn’t be an issue, and he was completely understanding, but it still doesn’t feel good to not contribute. It does, however, feel good to voice my worries and feel like I’m being heard.

This morning I was greatly triggered by an email from one of the dads going with us this weekend.

He talked about how his son had some painful blister outbreaks several weeks ago, due to (what doctors thought) a reaction to a new medication. Well, the blisters had cleared up but have now reared their ugly head again just in the past day or two.

He talked about how much his son had been looking forward to this trip (we all haven’t been camping together in a long time) and that depending on how he is tomorrow, they may not be able to go, or may need to stay at a hotel and not do all of the activities to keep the blisters clean.

All I could think about, while furiously reading, is that the doctors have failed him. Was it really a reaction to his medication- or was it the result of two excess heavy metals reacting inside his body and coming out in blisters?

Basically, by the time I was done reading the email I had immense anger towards this kid’s doctors- plus every other doctor on the planet- and a concrete diagnosis for this child’s painful condition.

I realize the absurdity of this- but it was a result of being triggered. After reading the email, I just cried. For me, for this kiddo and his family, and for everyone else who is dealing with medical monstrosities.

While my reaction was unjust, and unproductive, I still can’t help being angry at doctors. How can they just ignore the amount of autoimmune conditions so much of our population is dealing with and chalk it up to “Your body is attacking itself and we don’t know why.”

Why, don’t they know why? Functional doctors know why. Why can’t money be put into research on autoimmune responses? Why does Western medicine seem to only rely on treatments and medications instead of looking for a cure?

Do doctors really believe the bullshit they tell patients? My doctors (general practitioner, rheumatologist and hematologist) are all so sweet, and it seems like they care. But.. how can they practice the same exact ineffective medicine year after year, when there’s so much information on basic health practices, like gut health to combat the body’s overactive immune response. This is basic information, all they had to say was.. “You know, you should try an elimination diet- look it up on the web.” Better yet, they could have a brochure to give patients (gasp!). Sadly, all of the brochures seem to be reserved for medications and treatments of diseases.

So, that’s my fury today. It might be unjust, but maybe someday will be the fuel to ignite the fire to push for great changes ❤

Detox Day 11- Ouch!

Another tough wake-up, even after taking Motrin, Tylenol and Benedryl at 2:30am (8/10 pain in shoulders & hands needed Benedryl to sleep). I don’t normally take this but was desperate). Slept in till 7:00. Took a long, slow walk around 7:30.

The cleansing routine seemed to go a little faster today. I grounded while drinking celery juice. By the time I was done drinking the smoothie, I felt super weak and tired & slightly nauseous.

I showered and told my youngest to get ready as we had to get him a haircut today. After my shower I had to crash for a bit. I slept about 20 minutes in my hammock, and didn’t feel much better for awhile after waking up.

Motrin & Tylenol at 7:00am when I woke up. I took 2 Aleve at 11:30. I’m worried about all these meds and my organs. I took Motrin & Tylenol at 10pm before bed. Hoping to sleep through the night without meds.

I had a lot of sugar yesterday & wondering if that’s making me feel worse. I had a big gulp and also some Ben & Jerry’s non-dairy ice cream before bed. I ate better today, but did have some sugar with my caffeinated coffee at the restaurant 😬

Today I added another tool to my box and learned how to tap. The emotional freedom technique (EFT) is used to overcome trauma & illness. It’s surprisingly simple and I’m going to practice tonight before bed.

I also started a parasite detox today.

Last night I tried automatic/intuitive writing and going to try to practice routinely before bed. The goal is to get key info about what my body needs to heal from my intuition.

I had edibles the past two nights, but they weren’t that helpful- if at all. I’m not going to take them except for special circumstances, like this weekend.

I’m getting incredibly anxious about our trip this weekend. It’s all in my head. I can take it easy and will be in nature, at a beautiful place near a lake. I hate it when I feel like I can’t participate because of this disease. I’ve been looking forward to this trip all summer, but it’s been on my mind all week- but in a worry kind of way and part of me just wants to stay home. I feel sad thinking about missing the trip.

Today really sucked and I just really kind of wanted to die. I was exhausted, sore, and just generally unwell. And so incredibly tired of feeling this way. Practically everything I did involves my hands in some way, so everything I did was painful.

My low vibes might be partially from stopping the Wellbutrin too- who knows. It could all be from detoxing also- I don’t know anything anymore 😬

Tomorrow is a new day, and I would be overjoyed to feel even slightly better 🙏🏻

No-Day 11: Sublime

I was exhausted and in a bit of pain this morning.

Shoulder’s were okay- maybe slightly stiff/sore. Left hand extremely painful (8/10), right hand mild (3/10).

Iced my hand and then put it in my massager a little while later. Took Tylenol and Motrin at 6am, 10am and 5pm (not sure if I’ll take some before bed, maybe I’ll try just Tylenol if it’s not that bad).

I had zero energy for a walk today. I’ve been super low energy while walking all week and thought it would be best to rest.

I had zero energy to make and drink lemon water, celery juice or the detox smoothie.

It felt soooooo good to make the decision to take the day off. It’s such a tedious process for me, especially when my hands hurt.

And you know what? I had time! Lots of time!

Today was 92 degrees, so even at 9am it was pretty hot outside, just how I like it.

I had a cup of coffee while I chatted on the phone with my sister. Then I went outside to water my plants and find and prepare a couple pots to move two of my aerogarden plants into. I’ve been putting this off for about two weeks, so I was so glad to get it done. Hopefully they live! One is sage and the other is a cherry tomato plant. We’ve already gotten many delicious tomatoes from it, so I’ll be super sad if it dies. I do have one more and if all goes well, I’ll move that one too (It’s currently unsightly in my living room).

Working outside in the hot sun was wonderful- I need to do this more!

Then I ran errands (post office, oil change, return pants to store). I’ve been putting off these things too so it was very rewarding to finally get them done.

I had lunch with the family when I got home and hung out with hubby for a little bit while he was on his lunch break.

I was pretty tired after lunch and floated on the pool for about an hour. It was hot!

My son had to work 14 hours today, so I brought him lunch. Today I brought him a sub and cookie from Penn Station. I had fries and got us both a big gulp at the gas station.

His current summer hours kind of stink, but the nice thing is that he has all of August off. Just like when he was a tot, I reminded him, “We work hard, and we get to play hard.” We are very lucky and grateful to be able to have time off in the summer.

I’m not any part sad that I skipped D Day 11. It seems I skipped the first Day 6 too- I’m thinking I might just need every 6th day off.

I ate okay today, and omitted level 1 and 2 foods.

I’m planning on getting back at the cleanse tomorrow. Gosh it was so nice to have extra time though! I really need to figure out how to get faster- or at least start batch making the smoothie.

Anyways, sorry for the dry post- it’s getting late and I’m trying to hurry.

Have a great week! ❤

D Day 10- Toxic Medication, Drugs…

Yesterday I wrote about how I’ve started scrutinizing everything for toxins- from food- to toiletries- to kitchen containers, to wall plug-ins, the list is neverending. One thing I didn’t mention is the toxicity of medication-which has been on my mind a lot too.

I’ve been trying to eliminate as much medications as possible. In the past 10 days, I’ve gone from taking my Wellbutrin every other day, to not at all. Please note that this was a conversation I had with my doctor back in the wintertime. I was originally prescribed it to help me through the holidays and winter months, back in 2020. I’ve taken it consistently before then, but my doctor agreed that I should try to decrease it over the summer- which I was too scared to do last summer (scared of going back to the highs and lows I was feeling when prescribed). We agreed for me to try this summer.

I’ve not taken my Ritalin in a bit- which I always forgot to take anyways. I’m not so sure it was helping with my focus and just seemed to make my heart beat fast- so it didn’t seem smart to take it even intermittently.

I stopped my weed pen, I don’t know, a week or 10 days ago? I used to take edibles or put cannabutter in food- but haven’t done that either. It feels good mentally to be off all of that, and I was feeling proud.

The only prescription that I’m still taking is my Enbrel injection. I tried to stop in the fall and my hand seemed to get worse at the time, so I’m really nervous to stop it- but also very eager. I think it probably contains many additives that don’t serve me well, plus with all the flares I have going on, I don’t know that it’s doing any good. My next dose is Friday and I’m not sure if I’ll take it. I have a camping trip this weekend, so I probably will out of fear that I’ll get worse over the weekend.

My use of OTC pain medication is becoming a problem. The past two nights, I’ve had to get up in the middle of the night to take it because my shoulders were so sore and it was impossible to stay asleep.

My sister, a former nurse, suggested I go to pain management (I honestly don’t even know if that’s an option for me). She thinks that narcotics would be better for me than all the pills I’m currently taking. I’m too scared because of my addictive history. I told her that maybe I’d consider in the future, but I’m just not there yet.

I think I might start taking a small amount of edibles or cannabutter before bed. My hope is that it helps with sleep and pain, but it makes me sad to go back to it too. When you have an addictive brain, it thinks about these things to much. In all honesty, not doing it at all frees me from those thoughts (although, it is nothing like how my brain is with alcohol- where it consumes 100% of my thoughts if I’m in a drinking cycle).

I don’t know… this is hard. It’s so hard sometimes to know what to do, especially when you don’t necessarily have a professional you trust, and people are giving you different advice that is all over the place.

This morning was tough- probably because of the past two nights of tossing and turning and hurting.

I took a walk, but it was slow, and hard, but I thought it was important to start my day moving.

I was so tired during the cleansing routine, I had to pull a chair up to the sink.

Too tired to stand, but too short to sit 🤷🏼‍♀️

Overall, I feel like I was hit by a semi. I’m hoping it’s detox symptoms. That’s another hard thing-they are to be expected- but not knowing if it’s that or my disease makes it hard to make certain decisions.

It’s now after 4pm and I’m feeling a bit better. I had a healthy lunch of salmon, sweet potato and salad and then napped a teeny bit while floating in the pool. It’s been kind of cold up here in Michigan and I haven’t been in the pool or sun in several days.

Lunch was healthy and yummy and my youngest enjoyed a plate too. It always feels good to feed the family healthy food.

My kiddo had a long day at work and I’m about to make him a lunch and bring it up to him. He works about 1/4 mile away at the high school pool, and I like going to visit him and bring him things if necessary. He could order something and have it delivered, but I like to offer so that I can make him a more healthy meal.

They say it takes about 50 days to detox from heavy metals. At day 10, I’m 1/5 of the way there! 🎉🎉

I have to admit that worries have been on my mind today. Worries about tent camping this weekend, worries about if I’m doing the right things and also worries about going back to work in the fall. I’m not sure how well I can teach and work day in and day out if I’m feeling like this still.

I know it’s pointless and unproductive to allow these thoughts to occupy my brain. Usually it’s not too hard to keep them at bay- but this day isn’t one of them.

Tomorrow is a new day. Just like recovering from addiction, I have to just take it one day at a time ❤