Ahhhhhhhh! Today is the first day of spring break! Itās about 6:30am on Saturday morning and Iām eagerly waiting for next week.
Tomorrow is my oldestās birthday, heāll be 19.
Monday is my three year sober anniversary. Three years ago, on my kiddoās birthday, was the last time Iāve had a sip of alcohol. I havenāt been thinking about it too much, to be honest.
About a month ago, I had a hair analysis done to check my body for toxins and nutrients. Iām trying to figure out how to help this flair in my hand/wrist. Itās been two years! I remember, it first got bad at the start of the pandemic in spring of 2020. I went over the results with the nutritionist, who told me from the beginning that they really donāt do full elimination diets anymore. I was pumped. The first thing I said to her before committing to the test is, āI really have no interest in doing an elimination diet.ā I had been there, and it never worked out. I was never consistent or without cheats, and never was successful with it. All it caused was stress and anxiety.
Her recommendations did not make me happy. She wants me to do a detox diet for 14 days and then the autoimmune protocol diet for 30 days.
Iām slowly coming to terms with this. Itās truly what I need to do, if Iām serious about helping myself. The 14 day detox diet is rough. Zero sugar. Not even fruit. Something about āstarving the cells.ā I believe in it.
So⦠iām trying to prepare this weekend. Thereās no better time, and itās not even taking up summer break.
Iāve always wanted to go to a wellness retreat or a rehab facility that encompasses the āwholeā person when getting healthy. Meetings, journaling, mediation, yoga, healthy meals, loads of sleep, and self-care up the wazoo! Iām going to try to simulate this experience at my house next week. I want to do all those things and will actually have the time.
The worst part thinking about all this is coming to terms with the fact that Iām going to start eating meat again. It was a heavy decision, and has been slightly haunting me, but I think itās the only way Iāll be able to do this diet. I know of vegans who do the autoimmune diet, but itās so incredibly overwhelming to me with all the restrictions, I donāt feel that I can get adequate nutrition with the current knowledge I have on it. Iāll need to cut out beans, legumes, soy, and a lot of vegetarian staples of mine. I hope I donāt start having nightmares about eating my pets.
I feel a little full circle-ish. When I was 37, after I was diagnosed with RA, I first learned and tried an elimination diet. This was the first time in my life that I was forced to look at my alcohol consumption. Heck, now that I think about it, this could have opened the door to my sober curiosity. I wasnāt successful with the diet, or quitting alcohol back then, but it certainly stands out as my first attempt.
This was a couple months before my mom died, and a couple years before I would look at myself as having a drinking problem.
Now itās been eight years and Iāve successfully quit alcohol. So why on earth does this stupid temporary diet scare me so much? Itās so frustrating!
I feel caught up in the cycle. Betsy has been running my mind since the conversation with the nutritionist, trying to talk me out of it.
I know this is what I need to do. I donāt know why I have so much anxiety about it. I think Iām afraid to fail. Especially after spending a lot of money on the test and now on supplements sheās recommending to heal my gut. If I truly want to get better and maybe even get off my RA meds, I have to give this a shot! I have to change my thinking. This is what Betsy has been saying:
You arenāt going to be able to eat anything.
This is going to be so hard and youāre going to feel like shit.
This wonāt help your pain.
You wonāt have any energy for your workouts.
You tried this before, what makes you think you can do it now?
You get the point, man she is mean!!
Iāve been trying to put a positive spin on it:
Iām looking forward to pampering myself.
Iām so lucky that I have the whole week off and can focus on starting strong.
Iām looking forward to taking a break of my tough workouts and enjoying some leisurely walks and gentle yoga.
Iām going to feel so much better!
Iām excited for a week of self-care.
If I can quit drinking alcohol, then I can do anything.
There are lots of foods that I can still eat.
Itās not nearly as hard as my brain wants me to believe.
Some things never change, eh? I sort of feel propelled back to 2014. I mean, I know Iāve grown a ton since then, but somehow have reverted to my old self. I think itās because Iām scared. I have a lot of fears of failing this again.
Iām worthy of eating totally clean.
And best of all, Iām two days away from my three year date! Although I wonāt be celebrating with cake, Iāll be celebrating my growth, knowledge and continuously improving health with healthy habits.
I think Monday deserves a little shopping trip! Maybe a fresh spring outfit, and/or make-up and maybe even a mani and/or pedi. IDK what Monday will entail, itāll depend on my mood and energy that day, but Iāll try to find a way to treat myself. I think thatās so important.
In the meantime, if anyone has any AIP ideas or recipes, please spam me with them! I have books on it but theyāre about 10 years old and Iām hoping for some updated recipes.
Namaste 
Day #1095
Advertisements