It’s been six days since we learned that we’ll never see Milo again. It’s getting a little easier- but the tears still come in waves.
Two days ago I grabbed a package off the porch before coming in.
What’s that? my hubby asked.
“It’s for Milo’s grave.” I replied somberly.
The words came out easily, and sat with me. Hard.
I went out to the back deck and sat, and cried. Milo’s grave I kept hearing. I didn’t want those words to exist. But they did, and I needed to feel sadness, and I did.
After a little bit, I spotted a hawk in a tree at the edge of our yard. I wished it were an eagle. During the pandemic in 2020, I pegged the eagle as my sign from the universe. During my countless walks and times outside, I’ve never seen one around here, and they are spotted fairly regularly. I look, all the time, but still get the feeling that it’s right In front of my face and I’m missing it.
As I was thinking, the hawk flew towards me and made a sharp turn to fly around the side of our house. It came close to the ground, and I thought that was odd and that it must’ve spotted a mouse or something.
About 5-10 minutes later, it came out of nowhere and landed on the top of our wooden swing about 50 feet away. I was in awe, because I’ve never seen a hawk do that here. I had never seen one so close.
It was only there for a matter of seconds, but what it did next made me laugh. It flew off toward the side yard, and was out of sight. Next thing I know, the rude geese who have been loitering were flying away honking angrily. It was funny because we used to sic our dog on those geese. He would chase them, and they’d fly away honking just like that. We realized it wasn’t the smartest thing to encourage our dog to chase wild animals, so we stopped doing that. I silently thanked the hawk for scaring them away.
I saw that hawk, once more that evening. He came down again, and around the side of the house.
It was cool, and while it wasn’t my eagle, I was in awe nevertheless, and so grateful for the gift of the hawk
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I am glad you have resolution, though. Not knowing is so hard.