May 1, 2023

Life’s been a little challenging lately. I think I’m handling it okay, much better than I would have in the past. Work is hard, I mean, like hard. Most of the difficulties have nothing to do with teaching itself. I had a good talk with my mentor today though, that made me feel a ton better. There are a lot of super unhappy people right now, I am not alone, not crazy and not an awful teacher.

Today was one of the hardest.

I was in my last IEP meeting of the school year, and got a text from Hubby asking to call him when I had a minute. That’s unusual, and with his sister being in ICU (same old story…) I felt like I couldn’t wait until the meeting was over. I excused myself and called him back.

He told me they found Milo.

He wasn’t alive. Some poor person found him in their yard and called animal control. They wanted to know if we wanted his body back.

WOAH. I wasn’t expecting that. I tried to wrap my head around what he was saying. Yes, I told him. Tell them to bring him home so we can bury him.

I shook as I waited my turn to talk at the meeting. When it was my turn, I forgot about Milo. After the meeting it was almost time to go home. I got caught up on my daily stuff and was able to not think about it. However, when I got into the car, it was impossible to hold in my emotions.

I just got home not long ago, and plan to cry all night. We will bury him tonight, and have a ceremony sometime tomorrow or this week when we can all be together. My oldest gave me the biggest hug when I got home, but then had to leave for work. He’s struggling too. I reassured him that it’s easier to be at work.

I’m comforted knowing that he’s not suffering. Every cold day, every rainy or snowy day, I wouldn’t be able to escape worrisome thoughts about him and where he might be, and if he’s wet, cold, hungry, etc.

I’m happy when I think of him rejoicing at the rainbow bridge, with his old bestie, Boss.

Milo and Boss would cuddle like crazy, all the time. Milo always tried that with Jules, but Jules wasn’t very interested and would often get up and walk away if Milo tried to spoon with him.

Mostly, though, I just feel sadness and guilt. So much of it. It could have been prevented and that thought just won’t escape my conscious. Ugh.

I’m sorry Milo. Sorry that we failed you. Give Bossie a big hug & kiss from us ❤️❤️❤️


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