Thursday, January 26, 2023

It’s just about exactly half-way through the school year.

It always blows my mind, how fast the year goes. You start, before you know it, it’s the end of quarter 1, then mid year and a couple more blinks brings you to summer break, another year under the belt.

I live most my days in misbelief, lol. When I think of my old life, I get really excited. I’m so lucky to be where I’m at, and to have the life experience that I do.

I can’t believe I used to drink every single night. Then again, I can’t believe it’s been almost four years since I’ve had a drink.

I talk to my (almost) 20 year old about drinking, and he doesn’t seem at all interested. He has diabetes, and while he isn’t perfect with managing it, he says he doesn’t want to drink because it’ll mess with his blood sugar. I know he will probably dabble into drinking at some point during young adulthood, but I feel very happy that I stopped. I want to be a positive role model, and drinking until passing out every night, is not a good look.

I don’t normally talk to my 14 year old about drinking, but it has come up. Every time it does, he says the same thing. When he turns 21, he’s going to go into a bar and order a water. And then another one, and another one. For some reason he thinks this is going to be hilarious, and I love it. I’m so proud that both of them have zero interest and am happy that they don’t have drinking parents anymore.

Speaking of my youngest, I’ve been thinking a lot about his new friend group. He’s always been blessed with many friends who all seem to be good little people. Several months ago he started to meet up with a new friend group that he met online (through a real life friend). They’re all local kids from surrounding cities, and are a bit unusual in that many of them are non-binary, some are trans or identify as another gender- I can’t keep track of the names of all the different things kids are these days.

In the past few months, he’s had this friend group over several times and has gone to parties or get togethers with them. I’ve never had an issue with any of his friends, but one thing I’ve noticed is how cool this specific (the non binary) friend group is. They just seem more friendly, happy and genuine- it’s hard to explain. I’ve been thinking alot about it though, and think that maybe they’re more confident than the other friend groups and more authentic because of that, and may seem more real.

The heartbreaking thing is hearing how some of their parents don’t accept their ways and has threatened to throw them out if they aren’t only gay, but dress like the opposite sex.

I know this is a touchy topic, and I don’t want to get into it. I just wish everyone was free to be whomever they wanted to be.

Truth be told, hubby and I were a little nervous to have this friend group over at first and had many questions for our son. It provoked an insightful and nearly delightful conversation about non-binaries, trans, etc. We weren’t afraid of them, don’t get me wrong. But we were worried about saying or asking the wrong things. I’m thankful to be open and to be able to have this conversation with our young teen.

I’m also still in disbelief that I work at a school within walking distance. We had a snow day yesterday, and there was still a bit of snow to get through today. So it took me 7 minutes to get to work instead of my usual 5 🤣😂

We have a new superintendent, and many other new people at the top. It’s a very exciting time to be involved and I’m loving working in my community. I also love that our programming changed this year (this is when my classroom changed to partly self-contained) and is still being developed. It’s exciting to be a part of this and I’m excited to see the new curriculum we’re getting, etc (won’t be till next year).

I love working at Parkview, mostly. It’s such a quirky school in our district! I think it’s right where I belong and I’m sure the Universe had something to do with the last minute change (I was supposed to be at a different school originally). People seem to get moved around alot, and I have no idea if I’ll be at a different school- or they might lay me off altogether-I don’t have seniority so who knows what’ll happen next year. I have a strong feeling though, that I’ll be at Parkview.

I spent years healing my inner child, and it’s paying off. Oftentimes, I’ll be in a situation- or have a conversation and will handle it pretty well (in my eyes, anyway). The blessing is that I seem to automatically remember how that same situation or conversation would go a few years back- and it usually ain’t pretty! That’s always surprising, and always feels amazing! 😊

And then there’s email dad… he’s emailed me two more extremely long and ranting emails. The second one he sent stressed me out.

Until I got to the middle.

Then I remembered, this wasn’t an attack on me. I’m just the sounding board. I think I’m gonna need some boundaries for this situation, I’m just not sure what that looks like yet 😑

I’m not trying to gloat, and please don’t think my life is perfect, it’s far from.

Life has been sad these past few months. Our cat has a deteriorating condition and has been gradually declining for months. Sometimes he has a lot of snot coming out of his nose and he flings it everywhere. He gets on the counter to get a drink, and I don’t have the heart to make him get down, so I keep a giant pitcher up on the counter for him to drink without having to put his head down. I don’t use that counter anymore, I’m sure he’s sneezed all over it. It’s our biggest counter and the main one we’d use, but oh well.

Normally distraught and frazzled when it comes to my pets’ illnesses, I feel that I’m taking this well. It’s frustrating at times though, because while I’m super in tune to how he is doing from day to day (he has bad and good days) my entire family seems completely oblivious. Am I the only one thinking about that horrible decision we might have to make in the near future? Am I the only one who looks at him intently, trying to gauge whether or not he’s in pain day after day? It appears so.

I’m giving him as much love and understanding as I can right now ❤

Also, I saw a new rheumy and he’s bumming me out. He’s not convinced I have rhuematoid or psoriatic arthritis (did blood work to find out more, I go back next week). He doesn’t know what’s going on with me and didn’t seem to know what direction to go in. He did bloodwork and ordered x-rays.

The nurse called to tell me the xrays show that I have inflammatory arthritis. She called me a week later to tell me my blood result show possible early IBD. I have no idea what to make of this, but kind of doubt the rheumy will be able to help me. I’m still taking all the supplements from when I was following Anthony William and have been thinking more seriously about going back on that diet.

But I’m scared, and I’m scared to start working out too. It’s been over a month since I’ve been on the Peloton. It’s not because of my physical health, I’m just worried I’ll get edema like before it was so awful 🤔

I’m also proud. Proud that I can spend most days thinking positive thoughts, and feeling happy, especially when things aren’t going the way I want. I’ve been trying to feel my feelings, like when I get really sad about my cat, but then letting them go, not allowing them to stick and cause my thoughts to spiral.

Gosh I wish I had these coping skills before the age of 40! Better late than never, I guess…


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