Annoying Last Day

It drives me crazy when I’m cranky- or in a pissy mood for no apparent reason at all. Today is this day. I started waking up annoyed a few days ago, and each day it’s gotten worse.

Now it’s New Years Eve day, and everything is perfect, aesthetically, at least.

My morning was “perfect.” I got up before anyone else and did day 29 of the Lotus and the Lily, meditated and journaled. I woke up almost wanting to make my lemon water, then celery juice and then the heavy metal detox smoothie, but I couldn’t muster the motivation or energy. So, I made coffee. I have the ingredients and will do it, one of these days.

I talked to my sister on the phone, put in a grocery order (for mainly fun and extravagant things for tonight) and on the surface felt accomplished. Deep down, however, I felt and still feel icky.

I think much of it is coming from my frustration with hubby. His brother got insanely mad at him and my oldest son on Christmas for a silly prank they pulled. It wasn’t even a prank, actually. The wrapped his gift in all the boxes and plastic wrap we had at our house. The end result was an enormous present that would take a good deal of time and effort to open it.

On Christmas night, I had gone to bed and my youngest was at his cousin’s house- but my hubby and oldest delivered the great gift to the Uncle. I’m not sure what happened next or how it happened- I just know that Uncle got extremely upset after starting to open it, kicked it across the room, called my kid ungrateful and said some other not-so-nice things, while my hubby and oldest high tailed it out of there!

When I heard what happened the next day, I was sure Uncle would have calmed down and regret his blowup. Hubby thought otherwise and knew he’d be mad and complaining to his parents. As it turns out, Hubby was right and his parents chastised him, saying they’re too old for pranks.

What the actual fuck? Who is too old for pranks, and why the hell are they enabling his awful behavior? Anyways, so it’s been a week and Uncle still won’t talk to my family. Hubby sent him a message the day after, apologizing and that it was for fun, meant no harm and that they should hang out before going back to work. It went unanswered.

I was proud of Hubby for taking the high road and reaching out with compassion. However, it turned to irritation as he was cranky about his family and it really put a damper on the week. What irritated me the most was yesterday, when he was crabby and complaining about his parents (there are a few other things going on too- mostly with his great aunt who has been ill). Shortly after complaining to me, he took a call from his mom and was acting fine.

I don’t understand this. If I’m angry with one of my family, I do not act like everything is fine. I’m at the very least short with them, they are gonna know I’m upset! This resulted in me feeling like a punching bag, which will be reciprocated the next time he complains about them. I will not allow him to drag me down behind the scenes while being nice and normal to everyone else, particularly those who he is complaining about. Is that being an unsupportive spouse?

And now I realize that all I’m doing is complaining about his complaining- so I better stop.

I’m spreading the negativity and attracting more of it! I was going to write about some other irritating things right now, but think I should probably just make a list of everything that is currently making me happy.

• It’s the last day of 2022! It’s been okay, but I’m ready to leave it in the past and move onto bigger and better things
• I have so much good food to eat tonight (I’m way too busy fantasizing about the food to even remember that I won’t be drinking)
• I don’t have to go back to work on Monday
• I got some cool new journals and materials to make witch bells- they can occupy me when I get bored
• It’s mild outside
• All that good food…
• My grocery delivery will be here soon
• I have the knowledge and resources to eat healthier and live a healthy lifestyle after this weekend
• I have a home
• I have family to love, and who loves me
• All the good thing to look forward to in 2023!

That helped a little, but still feels kind of fake, lol. I think it’s PMS and hormones- and probably not working out for months is affecting me too.

I’m going back to bed. Wake me when it’s 2023.

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