This is a game I’m losing, hardcore. I have way too many cookies leftover and my sweet tooth is dominating my dreams of eating healthy again.

I ate more desserts than real food (well, if you call the standard American diet, real food..) these past few days. I feel really gross about now. Yesterday, the day after Christmas, I made a Liver Rescue Smoothie for the first time. It was really good and felt good to be ingesting real, living, high vibrational food.

I’m so lucky that I’m a recovering alcoholic. Instead of beating myself up over all the indulging, I can be proud for not drinking- yay me!

All in all, the holidays were just a mild nuisance this year. The more I think about it, the more I kind of wish we didn’t celebrate Christmas. I can see now, how the perfect storm brewing from expectations, family drama, family stress, back-to-back family parties, stress about gifts, etc etc … can make one feel like they’ve been through a natural disaster.

I was very happy to work until 12/23, which is very late for us. While others were complaining, I played devil’s advocate and said how happy I was to get that dang holiday over with and still have most of my break left. Most of the time, Christmas lands in the middle, then our vacation is half over already.

I was even happier to have a snow day on Friday, 12/23!! It was such a great gift. We had been watching the storm for about a week, wondering if we’d get our wish, and we did!

That night, something crazy happened.

I woke up to sirens, but didn’t think much of it, except my dog was acting a little ancy. Even after the sirens had stopped, he kept whining and I thought he probably just had to go outside, or heard an animal outside or something. I was half asleep for I don’t know how long, and I thought I kept hearing voices in the distance.

I finally got up and opened my shades to see reflections of emergency flashers on our lawn. The view of the street was obstructed by a big bush, so I couldn’t tell what it was.

I got up to check it out. As soon as I walked into the living room, I could see a firetruck through the front door, parked right in front of my house. I walked across the room to our big window and opened the curtains. What I saw outside was a big shock. All up and down the street were emergency vehicles. There were about six fire trucks, two ambulances, and a couple other vehicles with lights.

Is it our house that’s on fire? I absentmindedly thought in my sleepy stupor. Of course not, I countered, they would have probably let us know if that were the case. But I couldn’t see anything on fire and all the emergency vehicles were centered in front of our house, which is why I thought maybe it was our house.

I woke up hubby, who was as shocked as me, and we watched for hours while groups of firemen kept coming in and out of our neighbor, Rick’s house. Rick is the nicest guy, who walks his dog up and down our street multiple times a day and talks to every neighbor he passes by. We were very worried about him with the amount of emergency workers and two ambulances that weren’t going anywhere, and were certainly in no rush. In fact, one of them backed into our ditch and got stuck- a tow truck had to come and get it out. It was all such a crazy night!

I initially got up at 2:30am and finally laid back down around 5 to get some sleep. Hubby said they packed up not too long after, and then he saw Rick get into his car and leave, so we know he’s okay, but still haven’t seen him or found out what happened. It was all weird- the firemen were going in with axes, and towards the end went in with a chainsaw running. There are no signs of fire that we can see from the street.

The following day was Christmas eve, and I knew I’d have to work hard to stay grounded and sane for the next 48 hours or so.

We went to my dad’s on Christmas eve, and now that he has a wife now, it’s a lot nicer. The house was clean and decorated and set up so cute and her food was amazing. My dad did an awesome job as a single parent, but I really missed having a mother figure around and really like Ronda. She is so down to earth, and seems full of joy and gratitude, despite a lot of hardships she’s gone through (like growing up in the foster system, meeting her many siblings and having a relationship with them only as an adult, and losing an adult son to addiction).

I survived the night unscathed!

The following day, Christmas, I was starting to feel ancy. I hadn’t done my morning ritual (reading a page from my soul program, the Lotus and the Lily, meditation and journaling) in two days. It was evident how important that little ritual is for my mental health. I’m used to getting up way before anyone else and having the quiet, dark house all to myself.

Christmas morning started busy, and I didn’t have time to do my ritual after the kids opened their gifts. We got ready and I told my family to go ahead and go to the inlaws. I needed to meditate before going over there, or else I was gonna lose my shit. They live behind us, so it would just be a quick walk over. I couldn’t feel the effects of my meditation session, but am sure it helped me stay happy all night.

All was well in the land of the in-laws. I breezed through situations that would have left me in tears before recovery. They weren’t bad situations, just perceived as bad due to my poor mental state, lack of self-awareness, coping skills and emotional health. I left feeling drained, exhausted, relieved and proud..

That was two days ago, and I’m finally almost recovered from it all. I’m back to getting up before anyone else and taking care of my head. Hubby is off this week with me, and we’ve spent the past couple of days putzing around town looking for good deals and eating at real dives.

I’m feeling overall optimistic and it feels wonderful. I’m excited for New Years and believe that 2023 is going to be an amazing year.

#day1371

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