Something seems to have shifted and I finally feel like I’m on the upswing of this edema (leg swelling) thing. It could be a number of things, like supplements from Dr. Jeff kicking in– or the new grounding mat I’ve been using daily, but it doesn’t matter- and I’d like to not give it any energy at all.

It seems to have started with increased energy last week. Suddenly, I began waking up around 5:00– and feeling awake– a welcomed change from hitting the snooze button until the last possible second.

So for about a week, I’ve been getting up early for a nice little routine. I also started Gabby Bernstein’s “May Cause Miracles” 40 day soul program- so that’s been a big part of my mornings- along with grounding (or earthing) my feet. I’ve been wanting to start this program forever, and am already on Day 6 today (it went fast). It hasn’t been work at all- it’s been enjoyable and I look forward to seeing what benefits I get from doing it (I have to believe they’ve already started!).

Yesterday was the first day in a very long time that I didn’t take any NSAIDs in the morning. I finally took them around 1pm, but was ecstatic to not take them upon waking up. This morning, I had some extra shoulder pain, so I did take some when I woke up- but whatever.

Also, I started up my wellbutrin today. I had been off for about two maybe three months. I think during that time, I felt joy once. I feel that it wasn’t a big deal when I decreased it to once a day. It has been a big deal since stopping completely. I’m tired of having just a “bleak” outlook on life. That’s the only word that comes to mind or is fitting to describe it. BLEAK. If a little blue pill once a day will help me not to feel this way, then I’m all in.

I’m going to see if going back on it once a day makes a difference to this bleak outlook.

Almost lastly, my kitty, Milo is still pretty sick. He’s been on antibiotics for a week after being diagnosed with a head cold/URI. He was seemingly a little better but now hasn’t taken treats or canned food in a couple days. I think he’s still eating some crunchy food and it sounded like he may have been crunching on the dogs food this morning- so I’m trying to remain hopeful that his body is fighting this. I pray that it’s really just a cold or virus and that he gets through it. He is 12 though, and the four months he went missing in winter back in 2014 has always seemed to age him a lot- so he looks more like a 16-18 year old cat. He’s special and cool as hell and I’m not ready for him to leave us. If you’re reading this, please take a moment if you feel inclined to send some positive vibes or prayers.

Lastly.. because this is my old alcohol blog.. you should know that I’ve been thinking a lot about drinking lately. I believe it has to do with that “bleak” outlook I spoke of. I’m feeling like this like 100% of the time (it seems). It’s social media photos that are getting to me– seeing everyone have such a great time and living it up- more often than not having a drink in their hands. I know social media is fake, but when I’m just feeling so low, and always see them all weekend long, it’s just, well… it sounds really awesome to be able to just lose my mind once in awhile. I wouldn’t drink everyday, of course! Maybe once a week or once every couple of weeks.

I play the tape forward, and that’s not how it goes. The first week is fine. I drank, I felt fuzzy and then woke up not believing that I am back to day 1, after more than 3.5 years. My heart is racing and I don’t even want to think about drinking. “I’m cured!” I think to myself.

The following day, drinking is on my mind more, and then more the next day. I was going to wait for two weeks to do it again, but by the time Friday rolls around, I figure, “Why not?” And drink Friday and Saturday night. I keep my drinking contained to the weekends, and that lasts a month or so. Before I know what’s happened, I’m back to drinking nearly every single night.

No thank you, alcohol.

But, really, it’s still on my mind. I bought vodka a couple of weeks ago to make mint extract with my overgrowing mint leaves. I still have part of the pint left and up in my old drinking cupboard.

Also, I remembered about a relative who my mom once told me eats raisins soaked in gin every day. I immediately assumed she had a “problem” you know. I just found out that legit, eating 9 raisins a day that have been soaked in distilled gin containing real juniper berries– can help arthritis. So now gin is on my shopping list, and I believe that I’m not the first in my family to have rheumatoid arthritis. You let it evaporate, so I don’t think it’ll trigger anything with me- or cause any issues but I think that buying the vodka and now the gin, is just making me think a little extra about it.

I’m not ready to give in yet- hopefully never will. Gabby’s soul program will help too.

Day 1294, and definitely going through a bit of a rough patch. I am so close to 1300– let’s do this!! 🎉🎉🎉

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