I’m really feeling down today. It was a rough night of pain last night, and I stupidly held off on pain meds until 2:30am, when I couldn’t take it anymore and took Motrin, Tylenol plus Benadryl.
I felt exhausted the entire day- even with a 90 minute nap where I slept hard. The exhaustion has been worse than the pain today, which I guess is a blessing. It’s hard though, mentally and I can’t help but wonder if I’m healing, or dying.
I haven’t walked, or done any type of workout since coming home on Sunday. I’m really hoping to get a walk in tomorrow morning, first thing.
I decided after last night, that I really need to stop drinking caffeine, at least for a short time to see if that helps. Also, I had a small amount of gluten and dairy yesterday in the salad I had with lunch and dinner. I guess since it was just a teeny amount, I didn’t think it would hurt- but I can’t help but think it contributed to the rough night.
I’ve just been super down today, and having a hard time getting off the couch. I feel like I’m watching the entire summer whiz by and I have nothing to show for it. Even my spiritual growth has taken a pause. I miss the work, but have absolutely zero motivation most days.
I also think it might be time to schedule an appointment with someone who can help give me guidance. There’s an integrative health center nearby and I think I’m going to call tomorrow.
I feel like I’m going an awful job as a wife and mother. My thirteen year old has spent way too much time in his room this summer. The only consolation to me is that most of the time he’s playing games with real life friends. Last summer he had frequent sleepovers with his friend group, but this summer everyone seems to be travelling all the time.
I’m trying to maintain focus on the positives. I do have a couple cool trips to look forward to. In a couple weeks, my youngest and I are going camping with one of my his friend’s mom and her boys. A week later, hubby and I are going to Chicago to see Ester Hicks (Abraham). A couple weeks later we’re going to a big cabin in the smoky mountains for a week. Then I go back to work the following week.
And while I hate seeing the summer pass me by, I feel grateful most days for my knowledge and drive. Many many times, I came close to calling my rheumatologist for more and different meds. But what then? She could put me on prednisone, which would make my pain disappear, but then I can I really fix what’s causing it? If this continues well into August, that’s probably what I’ll do, but I’m not there yet.
I also feel grateful for getting off weed and putting away my vape pen. This has been a habit that I’ve been wanting to stop for awhile and I’m proud of myself for doing it now for the sake of my health. Mentally, it’s been fine and I haven’t thought about it. I took edibles the night I camped, but haven’t had the urge since. I’m also happy to be off my Wellbutrin.
I feel more optimistic after writing this out. Now onto bigger and better days ahead ❤
The Sofa King
**Update from 3 hours later…
Gosh writing this out certainly helped me get out of my funk! I even actually gained some energy after my dinner.
My teen actually came out of his room to eat with me 🤗. Hubby wasn’t home and we had a nice conversation about his Minecraft server.
After dinner I picked up some things outside and watered my flowers. Then, I had enough energy to do a 30 minute workout on the bike 🎉🎉🎉
Boy it felt good to get sweaty!
Then I made a bone broth collagen shake that was chocolate flavored. I added fresh mint leaves and I’m still drinking it, it’s so good. I always want to make delicious sweet shakes at night but never have the energy.
Also, today I increased cats claw to three times a day. I’ve been taking it for a couple weeks for inflammation so thought it was time to bump it up to see if that helps any 🙏🏻
Ok, that’s it!! Hopefully this energy sticks around for a little bit ☺️