Ahhhhhhhh! Today is the first day of spring break! It’s about 6:30am on Saturday morning and I’m eagerly waiting for next week.

Tomorrow is my oldest’s birthday, he’ll be 19.

Monday is my three year sober anniversary. Three years ago, on my kiddo’s birthday, was the last time I’ve had a sip of alcohol. I haven’t been thinking about it too much, to be honest.

About a month ago, I had a hair analysis done to check my body for toxins and nutrients. I’m trying to figure out how to help this flair in my hand/wrist. It’s been two years! I remember, it first got bad at the start of the pandemic in spring of 2020. I went over the results with the nutritionist, who told me from the beginning that they really don’t do full elimination diets anymore. I was pumped. The first thing I said to her before committing to the test is, “I really have no interest in doing an elimination diet.” I had been there, and it never worked out. I was never consistent or without cheats, and never was successful with it. All it caused was stress and anxiety.

Her recommendations did not make me happy. She wants me to do a detox diet for 14 days and then the autoimmune protocol diet for 30 days.

I’m slowly coming to terms with this. It’s truly what I need to do, if I’m serious about helping myself. The 14 day detox diet is rough. Zero sugar. Not even fruit. Something about “starving the cells.” I believe in it.

So… i’m trying to prepare this weekend. There’s no better time, and it’s not even taking up summer break.

I’ve always wanted to go to a wellness retreat or a rehab facility that encompasses the “whole” person when getting healthy. Meetings, journaling, mediation, yoga, healthy meals, loads of sleep, and self-care up the wazoo! I’m going to try to simulate this experience at my house next week. I want to do all those things and will actually have the time.

The worst part thinking about all this is coming to terms with the fact that I’m going to start eating meat again. It was a heavy decision, and has been slightly haunting me, but I think it’s the only way I’ll be able to do this diet. I know of vegans who do the autoimmune diet, but it’s so incredibly overwhelming to me with all the restrictions, I don’t feel that I can get adequate nutrition with the current knowledge I have on it. I’ll need to cut out beans, legumes, soy, and a lot of vegetarian staples of mine. I hope I don’t start having nightmares about eating my pets.

I feel a little full circle-ish. When I was 37, after I was diagnosed with RA, I first learned and tried an elimination diet. This was the first time in my life that I was forced to look at my alcohol consumption. Heck, now that I think about it, this could have opened the door to my sober curiosity. I wasn’t successful with the diet, or quitting alcohol back then, but it certainly stands out as my first attempt.

This was a couple months before my mom died, and a couple years before I would look at myself as having a drinking problem.

Now it’s been eight years and I’ve successfully quit alcohol. So why on earth does this stupid temporary diet scare me so much? It’s so frustrating!

I feel caught up in the cycle. Betsy has been running my mind since the conversation with the nutritionist, trying to talk me out of it.

I know this is what I need to do. I don’t know why I have so much anxiety about it. I think I’m afraid to fail. Especially after spending a lot of money on the test and now on supplements she’s recommending to heal my gut. If I truly want to get better and maybe even get off my RA meds, I have to give this a shot! I have to change my thinking. This is what Betsy has been saying:

You aren’t going to be able to eat anything.

This is going to be so hard and you’re going to feel like shit.

This won’t help your pain.

You won’t have any energy for your workouts.

You tried this before, what makes you think you can do it now?

You get the point, man she is mean!!

I’ve been trying to put a positive spin on it:

I’m looking forward to pampering myself.

I’m so lucky that I have the whole week off and can focus on starting strong.

I’m looking forward to taking a break of my tough workouts and enjoying some leisurely walks and gentle yoga.

I’m going to feel so much better!

I’m excited for a week of self-care.

If I can quit drinking alcohol, then I can do anything.

There are lots of foods that I can still eat.

It’s not nearly as hard as my brain wants me to believe.

Some things never change, eh? I sort of feel propelled back to 2014. I mean, I know I’ve grown a ton since then, but somehow have reverted to my old self. I think it’s because I’m scared. I have a lot of fears of failing this again.

I’m worthy of eating totally clean.

And best of all, I’m two days away from my three year date! Although I won’t be celebrating with cake, I’ll be celebrating my growth, knowledge and continuously improving health with healthy habits.

I think Monday deserves a little shopping trip! Maybe a fresh spring outfit, and/or make-up and maybe even a mani and/or pedi. IDK what Monday will entail, it’ll depend on my mood and energy that day, but I’ll try to find a way to treat myself. I think that’s so important.

In the meantime, if anyone has any AIP ideas or recipes, please spam me with them! I have books on it but they’re about 10 years old and I’m hoping for some updated recipes.

Namaste ❤

Day #1095

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2 thoughts on “Betsy, Shut Up!

  1. MY AV has switched to a food voice too. It tells me I will never be slim, never achieve what I want, so why bother. I am also trying to turn the words around.

    Liked by 1 person

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