When you come to a place where you intrinsically know that people’s behavior has nothing to do with you, even though it may be directed at you, life is so much more peaceful.
If you have no idea where to start with learning this concept, I recommend the book, The Four Agreements.
Although the saying, “People’s opinions of you are none of your business.” has been one of my favorites for awhile, I really didn’t understand it until I read the book. The Four Agreements talks about four basic rules to live by to feel inner peace and happiness. They are: Don’t take anything personally, Be impeccable with your word, Do your best and Don’t assume.
Don’t take anything personally. The book does a nice job of giving examples and reasons why when people get angry at us, or offended, or any negative emotion- it really has nothing to do with us. The book does a much better job at explaining it, and reading it really solidified this idea for me.
That was like four years ago. I’ve been practicing the ideas in the book in real life situations since then. I don’t always recognize it right away. Sometimes someone will react to me that really gets my goat or makes me feel defensive, taken advantage of, etc. Sometimes I get angry and it turns into an argument. Sometimes it just takes time, usually a good 24 hours to get the clarity to see the big picture.
Many times I’ve looked back at a situation and think, “Man, I shouldn’t have done that.” I should have known better.
But growth isn’t linear, nor is it black and white.
Reflecting on a situation where I acted in the heat of the moment helps me grow more. It’s easy to feel like you failed, or made a mistake, but that’s just your obnoxious ego voice saying that.
But this whole idea is kind of like the gift that keeps giving…
I may be a slow learner, but I made a big connection the other day.
There are many people in my real life who cause me, yes me, to overreact. This isn’t often, but it happens on occasion.
And it leaves me so frustrated and saying, “What the hell is wrong with him/her?” I inevitably calm down and realize that whatever they did, or said, to upset me doesn’t have anything to do with me. Then it’s forgotten.
Or does it?
There’s a flipside here glaring at me. But me, forever the slow learner, took awhile to learn. I was totally ignoring the fact that our bodies are learning instruments.
Why was I triggered?
What was it that triggered me?
What is this telling me that I need to work on?
I’m blown away because it took me so dang long to make this connection! Even knowing the first part of it, you’d think the second part would be automatically known. Not for me, I went to sleep many nights trying not to be so “bothered” by something that was done to me, knowing that it wasn’t really about me. But I never really asked myself, Why does this bother me so much?
I’m not sure about you guys, but I’m exhausted! If daylight savings wasn’t enough to zap my energy, now I have to think about why I feel the way I do, instead of putting the blame on everyone else.
They say that our suppressed emotions is the cause of all disease/illnesses. As I’m trying in vain to heal the flair in my hand/wrist, this is heavy on my mind. I’m not a good talker and master suppressor. It’s no surprise I have chronic problems from more than one autoimmune disease.
My intention is to start paying attention to my why’s.
My plan is that as I identify and address my triggers, my health will improve.
Day #1083, the learning and growing never stops. It was never intended to. ❤